“. . . You Might Be A Viking.”
(from Nordhvind Odhinnsgodi,
Drighten of the Pig's Eye Hearth)
If bartenders keep asking you, "What's mead?", you might be a viking.
If you rate your new cars in Oarpower instead of Horsepower, you might be a viking.
If a strange, very big read headed man shows up for dinner and eats you out of house and home, you might be a viking.
If you consider beer and herring a gourmet meal, you might be a viking.
If your new girlfriend is dismayed to find that you've given a personal name to each one of your kitchen knives, you might be a viking.
If you think that a Lutheran is nothing more than a quick source of money, you might be a viking.
If you think that attacking and looting small towns is a good way to meet people, you might be a viking.
If, after reciting your family lineage and history, you find that your friends all left two hours ago, you might be a viking.
If you think that Helga, Gertruda and Snotra are really very pretty names for girls, you might be a viking.
If the best thing you can say about France is that you left most of it standing, you could be a viking.
If you've changed your name from Joe Schmit to Hralfnkel Niflgrimsson, you are probably a viking.
If modern day piracy off of the Florida coast sounds to you like a good career opportunity, you might be a viking.
If you think that Old Norse is an easy-to-learn, attractive and user-friendly language, you might be a viking.
If your idea of heavy spices are salt and pepper, you might be a viking.
If you wave a spear over the visiting basketball team and offer their souls to Odin, you might be a viking.
If you think that a trip to Iowa is an exotic adventure, you might be a very brave viking.
If you finish your European vacation with more money than when you started, you might very well be a viking.
If a strange, one-handed man shows up at your house, drinks all your beer, pronounces sentence on your fundamentalist neighbor, points out all the legal inaccuracies of the latest "NYPD Blues" and leaves a huge wolf chained to your new Ford Mustang, you might be a viking.
© Marklander 1996
(Editor’s note: I have absolutely no idea whatsoever who the author of this is: if you are Nordhvind, or a friend of his, please get in touch... - L RM 2003)