Born Again Heathen
by Raven Hawksson
My Journey with Odin has not been a very long one, however I do believe that my life's journey has always been leading me in one direction, the direction of the Old and Tru Gods.
My journey with the All-Father began about 4 years ago. When my father, Hawk Harroldsson, Attempted to teach me the ways of our Ancestors. In the beginning, he could only teach me so much, mostly because I was only willing to learn so much. Christianity had slipped the shackles of slavery on me. It bound my hands, my feet, and my neck. And because of the actions of this so called "peaceful" religion, I almost turned my back on my Ancestors.
Life, being what it is, I came into hard times. At this time I believed that I was a Christian, so I did what all good Christians do, I turned to "God". I started putting all my faith in this "god" and kept asking for help. Help never came. So I prayed harder, thinking that just maybe my faith wasn't strong enough. Again, no help came. Right around this time, I was re-introduced to the beliefs of my Ancestors. At first my Father would right a little about Ásatrú/Odinism here and there, but only as much as I wanted to read about.
My father, being a prisoner in a Florida State Correctional Institute, could only teach me so much by mail. Every now and then I would get a chance to go down and visit, but there was never enough time for him to teach me properly. More and more I wanted to learn, but there was still one problem, Christianity. I had not yet given up on my Christianity, and as I learned about the Heathen in me, I also felt guilty. Christianity can dig its claws into a person pretty deep, and once those shackles of slavery are on, they are almost impossible to get off. Hard times keep me coming back to the Hebrew "god". Yes, the Hebrew god. A question that I later came to ask myself is, "I am not Hebrew, why am I drawn to a Hebrew god?"
I continued my learning of Ásatrú/Odinism. And then a great, but very confusing thing happened to me. I got hooked up to the Internet.
My father had taught me some of the basics of Ásatrú/Odinism, but it seemed that some of the things that I was finding on the internet were contrary to what my Dad had taught me. Most were little things that i figured out for myself. But one wasn't so simple. I was taught that these were the Gods and the beliefs of the Norse ( Those people North of the Roman Empire). Well, certain places on the internet were saying that anyone could be an Ásatrúar/Odinist.
CONFUSION!!!!!! This is where the question that I had asked earlier came in. I began to realize that every set of people on the earth had their own Pre-Christian religion. The Jews had Judaism, Africans had Voodoo, Japanese had Shinto, and the Norse had Ásatrú/Odinism. All of these religions are very specific on who can and can not practice them. And Ásatrú/Odinism is no different. I came to realize that the Gods of Ásatrú/Odinism are Gods that are exclusive to the Norse. The Norse which is where my heritage lies, is also where my ancestry lies. Pre-Christian beliefs are based on heritage and ancestry, and if your heritage and ancestry is not of that religion then you simply don't belong. This was my first lesson in the lies that have been planted by the Dragon that calls itself Christianity. A lesson learned and a battle won, but confusion still lingered.
Confused and still caught between two worlds, what would I do? I would go on living day by day. My life seemed to be getting harder and I turned to the Hebrew "god" more and more. Even though I was in a transition to Ásatrú/Odinism, the Christian "god" kept pulling me back. Christianity now had its claws in deeper than before, so I turned to the Christian "god" for help yet again. And again, I received no help.
My life seemed to be falling apart, and I was helpless to do anything about it, or so I thought. After about two and a half years of nothing but grief, pain, depression, and heartache, I was faced with a choice. The choice I had to make was whether or not I wanted to stick with a "god" that did not want to believe in me or should I start believing in myself? I had never put much faith in myself; it was always put into a "god" that had no faith in me.
Things kept happening that made my life harder and I was tired of relying on a "god" to help me. I gave up Christianity. At first it was rough. I could feel my Ancestors reaching out from inside of me, but the shackles of Christian slavery that had ensnared me were being tightened now. Then, when I pushed away for the last time i saw what this "peaceful" religion really was. I backed up, took a look through the eyes of my Ancestors and found the true form of Christianity.
With fangs exposed and claws ready to strike, I recognized it immediately. The warrior voices of my Ancestors began to echo inside of my head. Here I was, a young warrior, young to a warrior religion and I was faced by the biggest Dragon of all time, Christianity! I let my Ancestors voices guide me, and this Dragon was quickly slain. Slain in a battle that was over quickly, but a battle that took a toll on me. in the end, after the battle, there stood only one person, me, Raven Hawksson. I found my place on this earth, I have found myself and it is with the Old Gods, the Gods of my Ancestors, with Odin.
As time went on, I became closer to the All-Father and the other Gods of my Folk. And as I learned, I grew and I made one last vow to myself. Never again will I be held back by the brainwashing legions of dragons that call themselves Christians.
Hail the Gods!
- Raven Hawksson (Damon Beatty)